4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
