you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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