Sry I called you an 8
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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