Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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