I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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