I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
