Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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