I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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