My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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