You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
