I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
