the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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