i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
pray to the hookup gods
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
