I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
