forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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