After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
