how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
