Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
