You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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