So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
