I bet he comes in French.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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