I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
