frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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