And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
