38 yer olds are good kisserssss
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
