i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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