So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
