The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
