ugly people sure do ruin things
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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