a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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