Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
