ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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