She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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