You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize