I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize