i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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