I'm going to rape someone's good day.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just invented taco cereal.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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