Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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