sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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