sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
