my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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