the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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