is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
