Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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