His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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