um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drake has all the answers
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
