I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
