There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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