am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
