She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
