tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
