She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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