hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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