no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
