I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
