just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
