am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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