Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
