my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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