She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
