yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
