Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
