I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
