Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize