I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
