i think my tv is drunk
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
