Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just cropdusted the office
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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