i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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