Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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