I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
