i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
