im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
