i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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